Birthdays are for Moms too!

I now understand that celebrating a birthday of a child is as much for the mom as it is the kid. As I think back to a year ago, I shudder. I was home with a 1.5 week old, struggling with a post-pregnancy, post-surgery body and a lack of knowledge that no amount of research could help me out of. I pride myself in being knowledgeable and well-read. Hell, I research the crap out of every endeavor that I take on. Motherhood, I've learned, is not something that you figure out through "research". It is a hands-on, call it on the fly, "holy crap, did I just say that?" journey. Yes, a lot of it is instinctual, but a lot of it isn't. I still remember that moment in college when I realized that my parents didn't know everything. I had a growing awareness of their humanity and lack of knowledge as I smugly fought through my teenage years, however, the moment I realized that they just "did the best they could" I was thrown. Suddenly the world seemed a lot scarier to me. Sometimes I think that if Caelan knew that a lot of my decisions are just "best guesses" he'd crawl away to another family or decide to move in with his grandparents. Little does he know, however, that we are all just as clueless as the next person. I may not be the best mom in the world, but I think that I'm the best mom for him. Mothering is as much about using your brain as it is about using your heart. In thinking about this and all the other lessons I've learned in the past year, I finally understand why my mom always recounts my birthday. Not only is she celebrating my life, but also celebrating the journey that she has gone through in her role as a mom. It's with this recognition that I remember Caelan's birthday a year ago and the whirlwind of emotions (and physical pain) that surrounded that time. What a crazy, exciting, life changing year!